Date: 19 March 2015
Subject: My AMA Excellence in Healthcare Award
Hey there docs! I would like to nominate Pete Evans (that's myself, naturally) for the AMA Excellence in Healthcare Award.
As you know I’m pretty awesome, but in addition to that I would like to address each of the criteria for my new award consequentially:
Showing ongoing commitment to quality health & medical care
I am totally committed to health and many of my former girlfriends and casual acquaintances have said I’m definitely quality. 'nuff said.
Contributing to medical research within Australia
Are you kidding? Have you seen my facebook page? Every day there is medical research there in the form of HEAPS of awesome anecdotes which are so much easier to understand than your silly double blind crossover peer reviewed controlled BS that literally breaks my brain!
Oh - and I cured autism, which counts I suppose.
Initiation and involvement in public health projects or health awareness campaigns
I am much more aware about health than I used to be. Just one year ago I didn’t even know what these words meant:
Using this knowledge I am now campaigning to change the outdated nutritional pyramid.
I was thinking of something like a romulus or a dodecahedron might be totes better.
Improving the availability & accessibility of medical education and medical training
I have written heaps of facebook posts that make the latest medical techniques available and accessible to the internet, which is both awesome and totally rad.
I have also developed special paleo infant formula that has HEAPS more vitamin A than either breastmilk OR commercial forumla. What a breakthrough!
Advancing health & medical issues in the political arena
I was the bloke who told Tony Abbott to eat raw onions for his health. I know right? How awesome is that?
Promoting awareness of the impact of social and economic issues on health
I am always promoting myself and I am more aware of the economic issues of health such as how to bring the Federal Budget to surplus in just ONE YEAR! You see, taxpayers won’t need to fund any health services now that I have discovered the cure to every chronic disease IN THE WORLD. I've already been telling people there is no need for vaccinations anymore!
Who would have thought the cure was was just cutting carbs right? Seriously what have you doctors been doing for the past like brazillian years?
Contributing to community needs as a health care provider
My Paleo Tribe community is very needy. For example they need things such as self-actualisation, naturopathic placebos and the kind of a personal attention that can only be delivered when a C-Grade celebrity hits "like" on their incoherent comment on my facebook page. They dig it the most.
Also, my most recent visit to tell the kids in the Children’s Hospital how to cure their cancers was described as “uninvited”, “seriously lacking in any judgement whatsoever” and “probably considered trespass according to the Crimes Act 1952” by the head oncologist.
Its good to see my community work is so valued by other respected health professionals.
Improving health care services in any field.
I have improved health care services in many places but never in a field. I once gave a mummy blogger with adrenal fatigue a gluten free alkalised acai muffin in an organic garden once, does that count?
So, yo. Send my award to email@example.com so I can print it out and hang It next to my Institute of Integrative Nutrition online certificate of attendance.
It's been actual.
Follow me on twitter: @peteevansnot