Ebola. The word strikes blood-curdling fear into the hearts of the even the very bravest among us.
The disease is currently ravaging parts of Africa, which is one of the biggest incontinents on our planet. It brings a slow and painful death to its many victims.
While the scientific and medical 'experts' struggle to combat the disease they are themselves falling victims to its evil reach. In fact these guys are dropping like flies as their scientific approach has failed them.
That's where Branleurs Paléolithiques Sans Frontières (Paleo Practitioners Without Borders) comes in. Instead of science I'm using my patented feelpinion and anecdata based techniques.
For example, people on the paleo diet like me are completely immune to modern viruses like ebola so we are the only ones qualified to respond to this terrible disease.
Even better than that we have devised an alternative medicine remedy using the powers of paleo homeopathy and ancient alternative medicine techniques that quickly gets these poor dudes back on their feet again.
For those interested, here is the recipe:
2 cups chia seeds
3 litres alkalised water
1 live pacca
1 litre coconut oil
3 raw eggs
600g psyllium husk
200g duck fat
5 coal briquettes
500g grass fed porterhouse
Combine the chia seeds, alkalised water, pacca, coconut oil, raw eggs, psyllium, briquettes and duck fat in a nutribullet and combine. Cook steak blue to medium rare and serve with smoothie and you're done!
While we are profoundly pleased that we have produced this cure its not going to get to those needy afrikaans without your help. Thankfully I have a team of paleo soccer mums and naturopath hipster dudes ready to fly out, but we need your donations to get these alternative medical professionals where they are needed most.
In phase two of our ebola-defeating plan we are also hoping to send Rob Wolf to kickbox this devestating virus in the head.
Please give what you can so that we can deliver our special smoothies and other superfoods to West Africa and automagically eliminate ebola once and for all.
Please, give generously.